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32 Life Lessons on My 32nd Birthday

Kyle Brennan

I started Observe & Rapport when I was 25 years old.

This week I turn 32.

The original idea wasn’t to create a “brand” or be an “influencer” (much as my friends and family like to jibe), but rather to build a space where I could explore my unconventional interests and share them with whoever had some spare time on their hands.

Here’s an excerpt from my first blog post in 2017:

I honestly don’t know how to categorize what my blog will be comprised of. I’m really just going to write whatever I feel like and hope you guys enjoy. I’ve always been known to take things slow and to absorb information overtime. I tend to feel my way around and observe at a snail’s pace. I think that’s what I’m going to try to explain via this instrument — how I sort through the world and what I do to get better and improve through my everyday observations. So without further ado, welcome to Observe and Rapport. I hope you enjoy.

As I reviewed some of my previous birthday posts — which have now become an annual tradition of sorts— it was gratifying to see how much that original idea stayed on course. What started as fitness hacks, book reviews, and a few well-strung paragraphs here and there has grown into a newsletter with 400+ subscribers, an Instagram page with over 3,600 followers, and even a podcast.

And yet, I feel like I’m just getting started.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve scribbled down ideas, quotes, and lessons from books, podcasts, and conversations — no goal in mind, just a habit. Four years ago, I decided to turn those notes into an annual blog post — check out my previous birthday posts from 29, 30, and 31.

With each year, my collection of life lessons grows — some get discarded, some evolve, and some blend together into something new. It’s a messy catalog that I’ll never fully organize, but every year, I pull out the highlights to share. For me, the best part is that “aha” moment when a new idea clicks, and I can see exactly how it applies to my life. That’s why I write — partly for you, but mostly for me. I need these reminders as much as anyone.

So here they are: the 32 best lessons I’ve learned this past year. I hope you find these insights useful.

32 Life Lessons on My 32nd Birthday

1. Regret from inaction is always more painful than regret from action

Two years ago, I made the snap decision to join my town’s volunteer fire department. Two years later, I’m calling it quits. It’s been an incredible ride and an invaluable experience, but with a baby on the way, I just know I won’t have the time or energy for constant trainings and fire calls. It sucks to leave so soon, but I know my family is more important.

Sure, I could feel guilty for leaving, but honestly, I’m just proud I went for it. If I’d never joined, I’d be stuck wondering, ‘What if?’ forever. Whatever it is you want to do, go for it while you can.

2. Time’s not the problem — interest is

I’ve realized that when I say, ‘I don’t have enough time for that,’ what I really mean is, ‘I don’t have the energy,’ or more honestly, ‘I just don’t want to.’

As I’ve gotten older, my patience for anything that doesn’t energize or engage me is basically zero. Life’s too short to waste on stuff that doesn’t light you up.

3. The heart, mind, and body are endless pursuits

James Clear nails it:

“The wedding is an event; love is a practice.

The graduation is an event; learning is a practice.

The race is an event; fitness is a practice.’

There’s no finish line — just the ongoing, sometimes messy, practice of showing up.”

Events are just milestones, but the real work never ends. Every day, we start from scratch.

4. We cannot control the fish, only the presence of our line.

In The Creative Act, Rick Rubin compares making art to fishing. You bait your hook, cast your line, and wait — maybe you’ll catch something, maybe you won’t. It’s the same with hitting ‘Publish’ on a blog, song, or podcast. You might get zero views, but at least you’ve put yourself out there. You can’t control the response, only that you’re in the game.

5. “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”

An excerpt from Albert Einstein’s 1930 letter to his son Eduard. Just keep moving.

6. Extend the table, not the fence

“If you are more fortunate than others, build a longer table rather than a taller fence.” — Kevin Kelly

7. The subtleties of conversation

Tucker Max had an interesting observation about how men and women communicate differently:

It’s not perfect, but surprisingly accurate.

8. Don’t skip leg day

I was shocked to learn that the three most important bio-indicators of a long life are your heart, lungs, and… thighs?

Turns out, losing leg strength is a strong predictor of death in older folks. As we age, muscle mass naturally declines, which can mess with mobility and independence. Get squattin’.

h/t Simon Sinek on Diary of a CEO

9. Rules are useful, not true

In his latest book, Derek Sivers argues that rules are put in place to set expectations or terms. But they’re not set in stone.

For example, if it’s 3 a.m. and there’s no one on the road, it’s ok to run a red light. Yes, you’re technically breaking the “rule”, but it’s not exactly etched in Moses’ tablets. In other words, you can break a rule when it makes sense — so long as you’re not harming anyone or throwing the system into chaos.

The world is less black and white than we think. As Picasso said, “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.”

10. Resilience is “suffering strategically managed”

During his ridiculous 1,780-mile swim around the island of Britain, athlete Ross Edgley survived whirlpools, jellyfish stings, salt tongue and sea hags.

His biggest takeaway? Resilience isn’t some superhuman gift reserved for the brave and bold — it’s in all of us.

Much like David Goggins, Edgley believes that when you feel like you’ve hit your limit, you’re really only at 40% of your capacity. This phenomenon is known as central governor theory, where your brain tricks you into believing something can’t be done — but you just have to tell it, “They don’t know me, son!”

11. Emotions aren’t rational — and that’s the point

I once told my therapist about an instance where I was upset for no apparent reason, when she tactfully called out, “Yeah, that’s fucking emotions, dude. They are all illogical!”

The whole point of emotions (anger, hopelessness, elation, etc.) is that they are irrational. That doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. If we can learn how to listen to them, they can be incredible learning tools.

12. Only the weird survives.

We spend so much time trying to fit in, worrying about being judged, but at the end of the day, what people remember is what made you different. Own your quirks — the awkward, the funny, the weird. That’s the stuff that matters. No one remembers the times you played it safe.

h/t George Mack was on Modern Wisdom

13. Don’t eat sugar or carbs for breakfast

Just don’t. You almost always end up feeling like shit. Opt for high fat/high protein (eggs, avocado, yogurt). Your afternoon self will be way less likely to pass out on the keyboard.

14. There are two ways of doing things, correctly, or again

Reminder for when you’re putting together Ikea furniture…

15. No Horrendous Days

Last year, my golf handicap came down by six strokes *hold for applause*. Oddly enough, it had nothing to do with getting more birdies. It was actually just the result of cutting down the number of double and triple bogeys on my scorecard.

In almost every facet of life, getting better doesn’t necessarily require great results in every outing. It’s far easier to just keep the really bad results to a minimum (i.e. not having donuts for breakfast…)

16. Buy what matters

If someone’s trying to sell it to me, I’m already out. I only buy things that I have found a need for.

17. Help others find joy

Sahil Bloom shared a simple story that changed how I think about happiness:

A teacher asks her students to write their names on a balloon and release them into the middle of the room.

“Now, go find your balloon,” she says.

Chaos ensues. Kids bump into each other, frantically looking under chairs, darting around in circles. After a minute, none were able to find their balloon.

Then, the teacher switches things up. “Alright, this time, pick up the first balloon you find and hand it to the person whose name is on it.”

Within seconds, everyone has their balloon. The teacher smiles and says: “These balloons represent your happiness.”

If you spend all your time only searching for your own joy, you might never find it. But if you help others find theirs, you’ll find your own joy along the way. Lasting happiness and fulfillment come from serving others, whether it’s your family, community, or the world.

18. Have a short memory

Experts conducted a study to understand how the top 25 tennis players responded after a mistake. Players 6–25 would berate themselves. Their body language sunk and they carried that negative energy into their next point. When players 1–5 made a mistake, they too berated themselves. But within 10–15 seconds, they replaced their negative thoughts with positive ones. Our self-talk can make or break us. Reset. Restart. Refocus.

19. See through the emotional matrix

Executive coach Joe Hudson lays out a three-step formula for seeing through the emotional matrix

  1. Name an unwanted emotion in your life (shame, guilt, anger, etc.)
  2. List the ways you try to avoid it
  3. Notice that every way you try to avoid it, you actually create it

20. Make the decision right.

There’s no such thing as the “right” decision. There’s no way of knowing that Option B would have been better, worse, or the same. That’s why regret is so mindless; you’re presuming the choice you didn’t take would have been better. Instead of regretting your decision, pour your effort into creating an alternative, superior outcome.

h/t Dr. Ellen Langer on the Rich Roll podcast

21. Stress messes with your choices

Research shows that when you’re clear of mind, you can deal with 7 things at once. But when you’re stressed that number goes down to 3. The more acute the stress, the more that number drops. Next time you’re overwhelmed, take a moment to clear your mind — it could triple your capacity to handle the situation.

22. A good man is dangerous

“A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control.” — Jordan Peterson

The only solution for bad and violent people is good people who are more skilled in violence. Instead of being unable to do things, we should become capable enough to choose when not to do things. Nitya Prakash has a similar line: “No one will ever know the violence it took to be this gentle.”

23. Have a portfolio of enthusiasms

Enthusiasm is the wealth money can’t buy. You can have all the money in the world, but if you’re not filling your heart with other vocations that sustain your vigor for life, that money isn’t worth anything. Keep your life rich with things you can remain enthusiastic about, even in the worst of circumstances. h/t Robin Sharma (The 5 AM Club)

24. Have a home full of warmth

The famous Grant Study on happiness wondered why some of the men in the study were promoted to officers during WW II and others weren’t. They found that the number one factor that correlated with success in wartime wasn’t IQ, physical endurance, or socioeconomic background. The number one factor was the overall warmth of the man’s family home. The men who had been well-loved and seen deeply by their parents could offer love and care to the men under their command.

25. The case for slowing down

A martial arts student approaches his teacher and asks, “How long will it take me to master this craft?”

The teacher replies, “10 years.”

The student, looking impatient, responds, “I want to master it faster than that. I will work harder than anyone else. I will push myself to practice for many hours every single day. I won’t rest until I become a master. How long will it take then?”

The teacher considers this new information, smiles, and answers, “20 years.”

The prize doesn’t go to the fastest guy. It goes to the guy who slows down the least. The time horizon for improvement is years, not days.” h/t Sahil Bloom

26. Read more biographies

Biographies allow you to recognize yourself in someone else’s experiences. It humanizes the superhumans. It makes them more real — the ups, the downs, the circumstances and preparation, and the fusion of personal qualities and pivotal relationships that forge extraordinary lives. As Tim Ferriss says, “To learn from the best, you don’t need to meet them, you just need to absorb them.”

27. The opposite of depression is expression.

What comes out of you doesn’t make you sick; what stays in there does.

28. Nobody tells you that bravery feels like fear

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the ability to continue despite it. The only time you can be brave is when you are afraid. Do it scared.

29. People are a lot more eager to have deep conversations than you think

Small talk is a necessity of life, but once you run out of topics like the weather, work, or sports, conversations tend to hit a wall. After reading How to Know a Person by David Brooks, I’ve been trying to ask more open-ended questions like:

It seems awkward at first, but you’d be surprised how much people open up when you’re genuinely interested in them.

30. Confidence doesn’t come from success, it comes from surviving failure

I’ve been doing jiu-jitsu for almost a year now. During the first six months or so, I got my ass kicked every single day. I got humbled so many times, in so many different ways, that learning through defeat became a familiar feeling. Eventually, I started beating the guys who were once beating me. Why? Because I believed in my ability to handle difficult opponents. Oddly enough, accepting that is what gave me more confidence than anything.

31. Use money to buy back time

I used to scoff at the idea of paying someone to mow my lawn or hang some shelves. But over time, I’ve realized that the real value of money is to use it to buy back time. Instead of being annoyed that I have to let go of a couple hundred bucks, I equate the monetary value to my piece of mind. In other words, I’d gladly pay $200 not to spend four hours fixing my dryer. I’d probably fuck it up anyway…

32. “Your path is as crooked as it should be.”

This quote helped me realize that I shouldn’t compare my life to others. My priorities are to spend time with my family, read books, and pursue hobbies. Some of my friends want to build their careers, others want to party every weekend. We’re all different. And that’s fine because ‘your path is as crooked as it should be.’

’Til next year

Subscribe to my newsletter for more bits of unsolicited advice 🙂

— KB

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