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The Observe and Rapport Newsletter
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A weekly guide of my favorite books, articles, products, and lifestyle habits.
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February 23rd, 2023 | by Kyle Brennan
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Thought of the Week
If you're like me, you probably have a constant internal dialogue of thoughts running through your brain at all moments of the day.
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The way we talk to ourselves has a massive impact on shaping who we become. Our self-talk influences how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about what we can achieve, how we are viewed by the world, and how we interact with it.
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Polish researcher Malgoratza Puchalska-Wasyl found that people commonly have four types of inner voices or characters in their heads:
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- The Faithful Friend (who tells you about your personal strengths)
- The Ambivalent Parent (who offers caring criticism)
- The Proud Rival (who badgers you to be more successful)
- The Helpless Child (who has a lot of self-pity).
Which inner voice are you allowing the dominant character in your head?
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What I'm Reading
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“What we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else.”
People are a lot more eager to have deep conversations than you think. In his latest book, David Brooks observes that people are typically far too shy about asking questions, not too aggressive.
This book taught me so much about the importance of how we show up in the world. Each of us has a physical and mental presence that sets a tone for how people interact with us. Some people walk into a room with an expression that is warm and embracing; others walk in looking cool and closed up.
The way we attend to others determines the kind of person we become. If we see people generously, we will become generous, or if we view them coldly, we will become cold. The Koreans call it nunchi, the ability to be sensitive to other people’s moods and thoughts. The Germans (of course) have a word for it: herzensbildung, training one’s heart to see the full humanity in another.
One anecdote in this book perfectly illustrates the value in seeing another person deeply. Brooks tells the story of a woman, who because of a brain injury, would sometimes fall to the floor. People would rush to get her back on her feet immediately.
Her response, however, was intriguing, “I think people rush to help me up because they are so uncomfortable with seeing an adult lying on the floor. But what I really need is for someone to get down on the ground with me.” Sometimes you just need to get down on the floor with someone.
A friend’s job oftentimes, is not to cheer the person up. It’s to acknowledge the reality of the situation; it’s to hear, respect, and love them; it’s to show them you haven’t given up on them, you haven’t walked away.
So much of our day is spent in shallow small-talk conversations. We quickly judge and move on to the next thing on our to-do list. But if we want to get to know the people in our lives on a deeper lever, it starts with asking deeper questions.
Rating: 4.7 / 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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My Latest Article
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I’m at that point in life where the truth hits hard: nothing, absolutely nothing, matters more than the quality of your relationships.
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I used to think that if I just worked on improving myself, I’d find everlasting fulfillment.
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Turns out, that was a load of crap.
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Show I'm Watching
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I'm almost always late to the party when it comes to watching the "it" shows. I finally got around to watching The Bear this past weekend, and boy did it deliver.
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It's an incredibly fast-paced show that makes you feel like you're in the restaurant business with them - the heat, the stress, the money, the problems, and the egos. An awesome (but maybe not the most relaxing) show to binge if you haven't already.
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Song/Podcast I'm Listening To
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I recently found out the lead singer of this Irish folk group is my brother-in-law's cousin! Lauren coincidentally added one of their songs to her Instagram reel and noticed the band name sounded familiar.
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Quote I'm Pondering
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The American Psychological Association once invited William James to give a talk on the first 50 years of psychology research.
He simply said: “People by and large become what they think of themselves.”
Then, he left.
h/t @david_perell
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In their first episode featuring a guest, Keith and Kyle sit down with professional songwriter remy. The three discuss remy’s experience working with The Chainsmokers, Tate McRae, and other artists, the structure and operation of the music business, social media's role in modern-day music creation and discovery, and the recent TikTok-UMG controversy.
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Check Out My Amazon Favorites Bookstore
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Browse my favorite book selections hand-curated by me. I also earn commissions so if you buy anything, those earnings get reinvested right back into this fancy newsletter ;)
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Kyle's Published Work
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33 Life Lessons on My 33rd Birthday
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Thirty-three was a big one. Mostly because I became a dad. Our daughter was born on New Year’s Eve — a fitting arrival for a kid destined to reset everything. It’s been a beautiful, if slightly sleep-deprived blur ever since. I’ve only been “Dad” for less than ten months, but if I’m being honest, I’ve been preparing for the role for over …
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Depth Over Downloads: Why Spending Time with Books Still Matters
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Everyone wants faster information. But no one asks if faster information leads to better understanding — or a better life. In the age of AI and tweet-sized wisdom, we’ve confused information with transformation. But there’s a massive difference between knowing what a book says and being changed by it. The Delusion of Instant Learning In a recent interview, political journalist Ezra Klein admitted he once believed …
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The Jack Reacher Approach to Never Being Caught Off Guard
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There’s no difference between a pessimist who says, ‘Oh, it’s hopeless, so don’t bother doing anything,’ and an optimist who says, ‘Don’t bother doing anything, it’s going to turn out fine anyway.’ Either way, nothing happens.” —Yvon Chouinard, Founder of Patagonia I don’t read much fiction, but I’ve always been hooked on Lee Child’s Jack Reacher. He’s not your typical …
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