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The Observe and Rapport Newsletter
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A weekly guide of my favorite books, articles, products, and lifestyle habits.
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February 16th, 2023 | by Kyle Brennan
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Thought of the Week
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A biographer of the novelist E.M. Forster wrote, "To speak to him was to be seduced by an inverse charisma, a sense of being listened to with such intensity that you had to be your most honest, sharpest, and best self."
I'm sure you've experienced a version of this: You meet somebody who seems wholly interested in you, who gets you, who helps you name and see things in yourself that maybe you hadn't even yet put into words, and you become a better version of yourself.
I always admire people like this. If you're a native New Yorker like I am, these kinds of people almost make you uncomfortable with their flurry of unreasonable interest in you.
But it's only because it's so rare.
So many of our day-to-day conversations are filled with bullshit small talk. Common pleasantries to sound nice and get through to the next thing on your to-do list.
It's not often that we are genuinely engaged with a person, even if only for a few moments. But if there's one commonality among those people who make a lasting impact on you, it's that they are interested and curious. They listen not with the intent to gain something or to respond back with their own story, but to learn about you.
To be interesting, be interested.
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What I'm Reading
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This was one of those books that came up so often, that I knew I had to read it. Every bookstore I went to, it was listed as one of the top Staff Picks.
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, is a multilayered novel about friendship, love, and video games.
Sam and Sadie met when they were kids and quickly bonded over their love of video games. They develop a friendship that spans almost 30 years. The novel follows the highs and lows of their friendship, including falling in love, falling out, a love triangle, successes, and failures. Throughout it all, the one constant in their lives is video games.
The focus on relationships was superb but I particularly loved the reinvention of Sadie and Sam’s relationship and the quote that says it all…
“The way to turn an ex-lover into a friend is to never stop loving them, to know that when one phase of a relationship ends it can transform into something else. It is to acknowledge that love is both a constant and a variable at the same time.”
Rating: 4.5 / 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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This book gave me a new perspective. It instills the importance of spending more time on experiences than making money. Simply put, your life is measured by your experiences.
I first heard about the idea of Memory Dividends from Sahil Bloom’s Curiosity Chronicle newsletter @sahilbloom. He cited that the concept comes from Bill Perkins’ @billperkins Die With Zero, a book that proposes a (somewhat) radical approach to spending money while you’re able to enjoy it. I knew I had to read the book immediately.
In the book, Perkins explains that Memory Dividends are the continued tail of “payouts” you receive from re-experiencing an experience in the future.
For example, I studied abroad in Europe when I was 19 and I spent a lot of money on travel and crazy experiences. However, those memories grow fonder with each passing year, making the money I spent 1000% worthwhile. The fun doesn’t end when the experience ends - me and my friends reminisce on those crazy times to this day.
This book has me rethinking how I spend and save. Most of us spend our most valuable youthful years scrimping and saving as much of our paycheck as possible so that in forty years we can finally spend it on the things we want to do. But, as Perkins puts it, that’s the completely wrong approach.
Instead, we should focus on our “return on enjoyment.” Most of what we want to do is best done while we are young, or in the middle of our life, not the end! As Perkins says, “You retire on your memories.”
Take more chances when you’re younger because you can. Spend more money when you’re younger because as you grow older the amount of money you make will generally increase. Don’t let work stop you from spending time with friends and family and prevent you from doing the things you’ve always wanted to do that you’ve probably put off several times already. A nice reminder of what’s important
Rating: 4.2 / 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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Article I'm Reading
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I loved this article. It talks about Dunbar's Number, which is the number of stable relationships people are cognitively able to maintain at once (about 150).
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Relating this idea to monkeys, it's easy to understand why they wouldn't care about any monkeys outside the "sphere" of their closest 150 relationships. But, humans are exactly the same. As Jason writes,
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It's the one single reason society doesn't work.
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"It's like this: which would upset you more, your best friend dying, or a dozen kids across town getting killed because their bus collided with a truck hauling killer bees? Which would hit you harder, your Mom dying, or seeing on the news that 15,000 people died in an earthquake in Iran?"
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Airport Accessory I'm Loving
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My tendency with most fashion trends is to immediately hate them and make fun of it for several months before I eventually come around and try it for myself.
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The cross-body "fanny pack" is a perfect example.
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I used to make fun of my European friends who wore these, thinking they were so dumb-looking and impractical. "That's what pockets are for!"
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But recently, I decided to say fuck it and bought this one from Amazon for $10. I had to do some travel recently and I found this incredibly useful for the airport. In addition to my phone, wallet, and keys, I also stored my airpods, gum, and chapstick. Rather than reach into my backpack whenever I needed something, I had everything easily accessible right on my chest.
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Is it a purse? Maybe. Are you gonna make fun of me for wearing it? Probably.
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Fitness Challenge I'm Excited For
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My brother Tommy texted me this week about Hyrox - a fitness race that combines both running and functional workout stations, where participants run 1km, followed by 1 functional workout station, repeated eight times. Tommy and I used to do Olympic-length triathlons and now we're looking for our next event - a Crossfit style competition which should push us to our limits.
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We signed up for the Doubles category for the NYC race on Saturday, June 1st, 2024 at Pier 76 Hudson River Park.
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See below for the workout format:
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- SkiErg
- Sled Push
- Sled Pull
- Burpee Broad Jumps
- Rowing
- Farmers Carry
- Sandbag Lunges
- Wall Balls
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Website I'm Using Non-Stop
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Reddit has a poor reputation as being a site of conglomerated opinions and conspiracy theories, but I actually find it to be the most useful aggregation of personal stories and opinions that ultimately allow the reader to parse through the garbage to find the best source of truth for whatever problem they're facing.
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I primarily use Reddit as large Customer Review website - if I'm shopping for good waterproof winter boots or looking to find a solution for a loose doorknob, Reddit has the answers from people across the planet and their personal anecdotes.
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That said, navigating the Reddit comment threads can be a maze.
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That's where GigaBrain comes in. It's an AI tool that aggregates the most common and upvoted answers. So rather than going to Reddit to search for the best hand tools, you can type in your question to GigaBrain and see all of the most popular answers in seconds.
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I recently used this to ask for the best hand moisturizer. In the winter, my hands get crazy dry and my knuckles crack painfully. Here's what GigaBrain came back with:
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Best Hand Moisturizer for Dry Hands
- Cerave Hand Lotion
- Gold Bond Healing Hand Cream
- O'Keefe's Working Hands
- Neutrogena Norwegian Formula Hand Cream
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Quote I'm Pondering
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"There is a wonderful, almost mystical, law of nature that says three of the things we want most - happiness, freedom, and peace of mind - are always attained when we give them to others."
-- John Wooden
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In their first episode featuring a guest, Keith and Kyle sit down with professional songwriter remy. The three discuss remy’s experience working with The Chainsmokers, Tate McRae, and other artists, the structure and operation of the music business, social media's role in modern-day music creation and discovery, and the recent TikTok-UMG controversy.
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Check Out My Amazon Favorites Bookstore
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Browse my favorite book selections hand-curated by me. I also earn commissions so if you buy anything, those earnings get reinvested right back into this fancy newsletter ;)
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Kyle's Published Work
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33 Life Lessons on My 33rd Birthday
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Thirty-three was a big one. Mostly because I became a dad. Our daughter was born on New Year’s Eve — a fitting arrival for a kid destined to reset everything. It’s been a beautiful, if slightly sleep-deprived blur ever since. I’ve only been “Dad” for less than ten months, but if I’m being honest, I’ve been preparing for the role for over …
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Depth Over Downloads: Why Spending Time with Books Still Matters
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Everyone wants faster information. But no one asks if faster information leads to better understanding — or a better life. In the age of AI and tweet-sized wisdom, we’ve confused information with transformation. But there’s a massive difference between knowing what a book says and being changed by it. The Delusion of Instant Learning In a recent interview, political journalist Ezra Klein admitted he once believed …
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The Jack Reacher Approach to Never Being Caught Off Guard
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There’s no difference between a pessimist who says, ‘Oh, it’s hopeless, so don’t bother doing anything,’ and an optimist who says, ‘Don’t bother doing anything, it’s going to turn out fine anyway.’ Either way, nothing happens.” —Yvon Chouinard, Founder of Patagonia I don’t read much fiction, but I’ve always been hooked on Lee Child’s Jack Reacher. He’s not your typical …
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