The Relationship Revolution

I’m at that point in life where the truth hits hard: nothing, absolutely nothing, matters more than the quality of your relationships.

I used to think that if I just worked on improving myself, I’d find everlasting fulfillment.

Turns out, that was a load of crap.

Sure, I’ve hustled and achieved plenty of the things I set out to do. But let’s get real: the endless pursuit of a better this, a cooler that, it’s all just window dressing.

One of the most famous studies is the Harvard study in which they tracked hundreds of students from the 1940s until their death. After decades of research, the study found that the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.

This was a surprise decades ago…

Essentially the people who had the most fulfilling lives were those who fostered deep relationships with their families, loved ones, and friends. They built communities of people whom they trusted, could count on, and be vulnerable with.

Now, we all know this deep down, don’t we? Yet, what do we do? We fill our schedules with work commitments, gym sessions, Netflix binges—anything but investing in real human connection.

As we get older it becomes harder and harder to spend time with friends. Life gets in the way. We grow up, move away, start families, get tied down to crazy schedules. Suddenly, catching up becomes a logistical nightmare of group texts and conflicting agendas.

More time is spent on scheduling getting together than actually getting together. How does next Tuesday work? Aggghhh, I have a client dinner that night, what about the following Wednesday??? Invariably, you only see your families, loved ones, and friends a couple of times a month (if you’re lucky).

In his latest book, How to Know a Person, David Brooks writes, “The thing we need most is relationships. The thing we seem to suck at most is relationships.”

We suck at relationships because we don’t make them our number one priority.

Terminal illness tends to shift this attitude immediately. When a loved one is given a definitive limit on life hours, our priorities become crystal clear – spend as much time as humanly possible squeezing every last drop out of your relationship together.

But why let tragedy make that shift for us?

Author Tim Urban posed a question on X the other day – Imagine you were diagnosed with a slow-acting terminal disease and told you only had four or five decades left to live. How would you want to spend your remaining time?

After all, you retire on your memories. How many of your best memories are of you being completely by yourself? Chances are, not a whole lot. Our best memories are ones where we had a crazy, hilarious, extraordinary experience with someone we love.

The most important thing to do is build as many happy and positive memories in other people as possible.

Your relationships are not there to make you happy, satisfy your needs, or escape your loneliness. Your relationships are there as the mirror in which to see yourself clearly.

We’ve got all these fancy tools—email, text, FaceTime, etc. —yet we’ve never felt more disconnected. It’s time to flip the script. Prioritize face-to-face connection like your life depends on it. Because guess what? It kinda does.

My game plan is as straightforward as it gets:

• Reach out to friends whenever they cross my mind. A simple “Hey, thinking of you” goes a long way.
• Weekly check-ins with the partner. What’s working, what’s not, how can we support each other?
• Plan ahead. Buy those tickets, invite a friend, and make some memories.
• Dial up the folks at least once a week. Twice if I’m feeling fancy.
• Keep the group chat alive. Share memes, recommendations, and the occasional heartfelt message.

In a world that’s more connected yet more isolated than ever, let’s be the rebels who choose love over loneliness. It’s time to redefine success, one meaningful connection at a time.

Here’s to building a life rich in laughter, love, and unforgettable moments.

Stay real,

KB