“I cannot remember the books I’ve read any more than the meals I have eaten; even so, they have made me.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Books helped me navigate my life.

Over the last two decades, I’ve read hundreds of books — on philosophy, self-improvement, science, history, happiness, religion, nutrition, how-to guides, and memoirs. And yes, I’ve enjoyed a few novels as well.

What I’ve discovered from all those hours spent absorbing words on paper is that, regardless of the era it was written, who it was written by, or who it was written for, writers have been questioning the same basic human troubles for millennia.

“If you want a new idea, read an old book.” — Ivan Pavlov

Among all the books heralded as ‘greats,’ ‘classics,’ or ‘must-reads,’ I began to notice common themes. Despite using different words, characters, or allegories, the underlying messages were consistent.

After reading hundreds of books and investing thousands of hours, I’ve identified what I believe are the 12 common “truths” about our human existence.

I titled this blog post ‘The Ultimate Handbook of Timeless Wisdom’ because these 12 concepts truly stand the test of time. They have been practiced and shared across all walks of life, from the era before the printing press to the age of artificial intelligence.

This is my attempt to thread the needle of what every author has been trying to tell us for centuries. I have no doubt that what follows will remain relevant for centuries to come.

The Ultimate Handbook of Timeless Wisdom

1. Embrace Uncertainty

“The most effective way to sap distraction of its power is just to stop expecting things to be otherwise — to accept that this unpleasantness is simply what it feels like to be human. — Oliver Burkeman

Life is a never-ending journey of walking into the unknown.

Buddhist scholar Greshe Shawopa commanded his students, “Do not rule over imaginary kingdoms of endlessly proliferating possibilities.”

We have no idea what problems life will throw at us, what circumstances may befall us, or how much time we have. We just have to ride each wave as best as possible, learn from our mistakes, and turn back to meet the next wave with a smile.

Life is just a series of moments. You can plan all you want, but a plan is just a thought, a dream, an expectation. The future is under no obligation to comply with your expectations. Rather than get frustrated that yet another unexpected obstacle has befallen you (which it will), the cheat code is to treat every obstacle as an experiment — to learn, to improve, to laugh at, or to avoid forever.

In his book Four Thousand Weeks, Oliver Burkeman proposes “… Life is just a process of engaging with problem after problem, giving each one the time it requires… The presence of problems in your life, in other words, isn’t an impediment to a meaningful existence but the very substance of one.”

Events are not problems; they’re just events. Real transformation begins when you embrace your problems as agents for growth. Challenging situations create the force needed to bring about change.

It’s not a sign of admitting defeat, but rather shifting your frame of mind to understand that you will always be busy. If you’re not, you will find ways to make yourself busy. And if you don’t make yourself busy, life will undoubtedly throw an obstacle right in front of you when you least expect it.

“Don’t worry about whether things will be hard. Because they will be,” writes author Ryan Holiday.

Instead, focus on the fact that these things will help you. You will always have problems. Learn how to enjoy life while you are solving them.

Accept that life will always be uncertain.

True confidence is living in uncertainty and moving forward.

2. Start Before You’re Ready

Don’t let the weight of fear weigh down the joy of curiosity. — Peter Guber

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer a blow to your self-esteem. Nothing has injured my self-esteem more than Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

For years, I had been telling myself I was too injury-prone to roll around fighting strangers and getting my limbs twisted. I thought if I started doing BJJ, all of my various joint injuries would be reawakened. Yet, every year I would write it on my New Year’s Resolutions list — This year I will start doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

I knew the planets were never going to align perfectly. When you see an opportunity, you have to be prepared to jump. So when my friend Keith invited me to a class at a nearby academy, I took it as a sign to practice what I preach and “start before I was ready.”

Now, eight months later, I’m fully hooked and (relatively) injury-free.

The best cure for nervousness is immediate action.

Starting before you’re ready doesn’t imply foolishly venturing into dangerous activities and behaviors. Rather, it’s about realizing that whether you do it or not, the time will pass anyway; so you might as well put that passing time to the best possible use.

Podcaster Chris Williamson refers to this as Anxiety Cost— the cost you pay in not doing the thing sooner rather than later because your mind is busy worrying about the fact that the thing still needs to be done.

Instead of ruminating about the multiple items on your to-do list, take action and get it done. Just get started and let momentum carry you on to the next thing. Taking action immediately extinguishes the fires of nervousness, hesitation, and anxiety.

This idea has changed my philosophy on volunteering for group activities. Previously, any time an instructor would ask, “Who wants to go first?” my response was to fall back in the crowd and let someone else be the test dummy. Meanwhile, I’d spend that idle time basking in anxiety about my turn. Now, I know the power of kicking anxiety to the curb. The sooner I do the thing, the sooner my consciousness can be free of the burden of thinking about it.

Mood follows action.

I also used to think that when I was nervous I could simply change my mood by changing my thoughts and thinking positively. While that certainly helps, I’ve learned that the only durable way to change your mood is through action. Tony Robbins calls this ‘changing your state’— and he deems it critical if you want to make a lasting change to your physiology. Success is often far less about your ability and more about your behavior. Move, breathe, shake, shift, or make noise. Do whatever you have to do to get yourself out of a disempowered state and into a focused state of power and action.

The flow of life rewards positive action and punishes hesitation.

Nothing is holding you back in life more than yourself. If I’d let my mood determine my actions, I would never have accepted my friend’s invitation to that first jiu-jitsu class. The only way to get over your fear is THROUGH it. As I said earlier, real transformation begins when you embrace your problems as agents for growth. We all feel imposter syndrome — it’s a natural byproduct of stretching your limits. If you’re not afraid, you’re not reaching. You should be putting yourself in positions in which you’re a bit unsure if you’re ready. How else would you grow?

Dr. Andrew Huberman explains, “The agitation and stress that you feel at the beginning of something — when you’re trying to lean into it and you can’t focus — is just a recognized gate. You have to pass through that gate to get to the focus component.”

We all face the same hurdles each time we try to focus deliberately on something hard. Once you finally convince yourself to get out of the warm comfy covers, you don’t think about it the rest of the day. All you had to do was get over that initial agitation.

Once you’re up, the momentum is driving you forward. It’s just about pushing through the inertia.

“The agitation is indeed the doorway to the whole process.”

Accept the initial agitation.

You’re not doing anything special if you’re not at least a little bit scared.

Start before you’re ready.

3. Follow Your Talent

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” — Mark Twain

I don’t like when people tell us to “pursue your passion.” Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life, they say. Scott Galloway jokes, “The person telling you to follow your passion probably made their billions in iron ore smelting.”

Since when does everyone feel entitled to love every fucking second of their job? What’s wrong with working an okay, normal job with cool people you like and then pursuing your passion in your free time?

The reality is that every job sucks sometimes. There’s no such thing as a dream job — even if you got your so-called dream job, you’d still probably hate about 30% of it. In all likelihood, making your passion a career will spoil it, turning it into a thing you do for (little) money, not love. Let go of the notion that you will find some hypothetical dream job where your entire day is filled with enjoyable tasks you find effortless.

What the advice should be is not to follow your passion, but to follow your talent. Unlike passion, talent is observable and testable; it can more readily be converted into a high-earning career, and it gets better the more time and effort you devote toward it.

Follow your talent and passion will follow.

Scott Adams, the creator of the comic strip Dilbert, argues the same principle. He asserts that passion doesn’t necessarily correlate directly with success (i.e. being passionate about making slap bracelets won’t make you a millionaire). He argues that competence breeds passion. The more successful you are in something, the more passionate you become. Passion, then, is the result of success.

You didn’t dream about managing hotels as a five-year-old. But if you happen to become ultra-successful at managing hotels, you’ll likely develop a sense of pride, and dare I say, passion towards hotel management. So rather than follow your passion, Adams suggests, your course should be to accurately identify your skill set and choose a system that vastly increases your odds of getting “lucky.”

He coined the concept of Talent Stacking — narrowing your focus to developing a couple of skill sets or areas of interest instead of focusing on one career track. If you want something extraordinary, you have two paths:

1. Become the best at one specific thing
2. Become very good (top 25%) at two or more things

The first strategy is extremely difficult. Few people will ever be the top lawyer, a best-selling novelist, or play in the NFL.

However, the second strategy is fairly easy. Everyone has at least a few areas in which they could be in the top 25% with some effort.

For example, let’s say you’re a good writer. Not the best, but above average. Perhaps you’ve been published in a few notable publications and have a solid portfolio to showcase your writing acumen. That’s one skill set, but arguably not enough to make a living as a full-time writer.

But maybe you’re also a massive fan of the game of cricket. You’re so obsessed you’d consider yourself in the top 25% of all cricket experts.

There you have it — by combining two seemingly uncorrelated interests (writing and cricket) you can increase your odds of “luck” by becoming the foremost writer on all things cricket. Increase that with consistent research and self-education, you can carve yourself a niche by being the go-to guy on all things cricket in the US.

Investor Bill Gurley advises college students to become obsessively curious about their chosen field. “Consider it your obligation,” he says, “to learn everything you can about it — study the history of the field, as well as the field’s pioneers. Strive to know more than anyone else in the field. It’s not always easy to be the smartest or the brightest, but it’s very doable to be the most knowledgeable.”

Capitalism rewards things that are both rare and valuable. At least one of the skills should involve communication (i.e. writing skills, public speaking, selling effectively). Add that to whatever your other skill or passion is and you have two. If you have an aptitude for a third skill, perhaps medicine or public speaking, develop that too.

“You get rewarded for unique knowledge, not for effort. Effort is required to create unique knowledge.” — Naval Ravikant

Jerry Seinfeld’s advice is to find the torture you are comfortable with. What is the thing you can do for hours that the average person would find painful? Jerry Seinfeld isn’t successful because he was born with some magic ability to make millions of people laugh on command. He’s the best because he enjoys the torturous process of sitting down with a blank sheet of paper and writing jokes every single day.

That’s the difference. The common denominator of successful people is that they formed the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do. I’d rather rub habanero peppers in my eyeballs than read medical charts, but my wife would do the same thing to avoid answering emails.

For me, my “torture” is consuming wisdom from the greats and synthesizing it for the average person. I’m obsessed with learning and curating information. I love reading books, consuming podcasts, researching mental and physical modalities for personal development, experimenting with peculiar techniques and routines, and learning from unique people. What’s unique is that I also enjoy writing about it. I highlight quotes and take notes while I read books and listen to podcasts. I turn those into articles, essays, tweets, Instagram posts, and reels. I receive more joy from sharing my learnings than I do from learning them in the first place.

To an ordinary person, that might seem like torture. To me, it’s invigorating. If I go a week without doing it, I feel dismal. But when I’m truly aligned with what I consider to be my purpose and my talent, I become more present, more loving, and more lively.

If you aren’t living from your core, giving your fullest gifts, everyone will feel your lack of true purpose. I’d like to think my true purpose is sharing my curiosity for all things and encouraging others to grow through reading and consuming wisdom.

Jeff Bezos offered some of the best advice when he said, “You aren’t stressed because you are doing too much. You are stressed because you’re doing too little of what makes you feel most alive.”

When I’m stressed or burned out, it’s rarely because of my day job. Work is always stressful, and you’d be hard-pressed to find meaningful work that isn’t at least a little bit stressful. It’s usually because I haven’t been investing time in the things that fill me with energy — writing, exercising, sharing wisdom, reading, and pursuing my talents outside of work.

Mark Manson said it best: “If you’re passionate about something, it will already feel like such an ingrained part of your life that you will have to be reminded by people that it’s not normal, that other people aren’t like that.”

Don’t follow your passion — follow your talent.

4. Give More than You Take

“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”
― Winston Churchhill

The world operates on this weird law where the best things happen to you when you’re not trying to “get” anything. This one took me a long time to comprehend but there was one book that changed my entire philosophy on how to get what I want in life.

The Go-Giver tells the tale of successful businesspeople who thrived not through effort and competitiveness but rather through a mindset of service. The message is simple: Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment. If you feel underpaid, provide more value. If you feel overlooked, serve with greater impact.

Whatever you want to receive in life you must give first. If you want to receive happy things, you must first give happiness to others. It sounds counterintuitive but as soon as I put this idea into practice, I instantly found it worthwhile.

Once you accept that a mindset of service is far superior to ego-gratifying efforts, it becomes self-evident in everything you do. When you give you get back tenfold. As my grandfather, William Brennan, told his 23 grandchildren, “It is not he who has much, but he who gives much who is truly rich.”

Joe Rogan is a prime example. If you’re not a listener of his podcast, you may only know him as a multi-millionaire #1 podcaster. What you may not know about him, is that he is a giver.

One of the biggest factors in Rogan’s success is his persistence and commitment to his multiple passions of comedy, podcasting, and martial arts. He did his podcast for over five years before he received a single dime. The money and success came as a result of exploring his genuine interest and making his 3+ hour conversations with people across all fields available to the public for free.

Not only that, he was so obsessed with MMA, that he commentated for the first twelve UFC events for free! Dana White eventually saw how passionate he was and signed him to a lucrative contract. What’s more, when Rogan invites less-prominent guests to his show for the first time, he pays for their flights, hotels, and Uber to the studio. He takes them to dinner and often brings them to his comedy club in Austin for a night out. In other words, he is constantly giving (without expecting something in return). It’s why multiple efforts to cancel him have failed — his kindness, authenticity, and generosity shine through.

Joe Rogan didn’t claw his way to the top by crushing his competitors or demanding big paychecks. With a giving mindset, he built a reputation of trust with everyone he interacted with, and the money was a byproduct of the value he provided.

The lesson here is an important one: success is not a finite game with winners and losers. There is enough to share with everyone, and the more you spread the wealth through giving and serving others, the more it comes back around. It is the ultimate expression of positive karma.

You should love what you are sharing so much that you want everyone around you to love and appreciate it just as much as you do — whether it’s running a coffee shop, doing real estate, or creating art — your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.

Live a life of service.

Give more than you take.

5. Master Impulse Control

“When a man can control his life, his physical needs, his lower self — he elevates himself.” — Muhammad Ali

Entrepreneur Alex Hormozi accurately explained, “The first step to achieving a massive dream is conquering tiny impulses.” The quicker you want something, the easier you are to manipulate.

Everything is vying for our attention. We’re tempted all day long by social media, junk food, alcohol, porn, and endless amounts of entertainment. On our phones exists an endless stream of never-ending consumption possibilities. Being without our phones for more than ten minutes sends us into a frantic search to cancel the mundanity of everyday tasks.

We’re lucky to live in a world in which we never truly have to be bored. Don’t get me wrong, this access to immediate gratification has made life incredibly enjoyable. We can have food delivered to our door with a few clicks. We can pull up a YouTube video about literally anything we want to learn. And we can play stimulating games that keep us entertained for hours on a cross-country flight.

But therein lies the problem. Never in human history has it been so easy to live a pain-free life. With unlimited pleasure available at our fingertips 24/7, every inconvenience can be negated with an app, a drug, or by throwing money at it. The problem is that there’s no escaping the inevitable pain and uncertainty of life. Discomfort is inevitable, and actively avoiding it will only lead to more pain in the long run. Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, explains how “Any behavior pattern based upon the avoidance of pain becomes a doorway to the pain itself.” In other words, if you are doing something to avoid pain, then pain will run your life. The very thing that gives you pleasure today will give you pain tomorrow (i.e. alcohol = hangover).

“When a man can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure,” wrote psychologist Viktor Frankl. The reason we’re all so miserable may be because we’re working so hard to avoid being miserable. Addiction is at all-time highs. We can blame the system for dulling our senses with unlimited access to pleasure-filled activities, but the reality is that when we lack meaning, we fill that hole in whatever way we can.

Instead of running away from the world, we can find escape by immersing ourselves in it. If you have something truly purposeful and meaningful in your life — if you have responsibilities — you have no choice but to devote the bulk of your attention to carrying out that mission. With meaning and purpose, you won’t have time for things like drugs, partying, and gambling. Even if you do, the temptation for those things will be significantly dulled by your obligation to a higher purpose.

I used to be someone who drank five days a week, smoked weed all the time, ate junk food, and stayed up late watching YouTube videos. Then I joined the fire department. I took up jiu-jitsu. I became a homeowner and a husband, and I devoted my free time to reading, writing, and podcasting. With so much purpose in my life, I don’t have time to stay up late drinking myself senseless. I have work to do and people who count on me.

The other problem with amusing ourselves to death is that we never put ourselves in the uncomfortable position of, dare I say, being bored. David Foster Wallace described the superpower of being ‘unborable.’ He described it as the key to modern life. “If you are immune to boredom, there is literally nothing you cannot accomplish.” Because let’s face it, you’re going to be confronted by uncomfortable situations, and if you grow too accustomed to immediate gratification and pleasure, you will shirk in the face of extreme difficulty and struggle.

The good news, though, is that it’s never been easier to separate yourself from the pack. The ability to focus and perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few who can cultivate this skill will thrive. There is power in being comfortable with zero stimulation because if you never learn how to deal with boredom, you will never learn to enjoy peace and quiet. If you can control your impulse for immediate gratification, be patient in the face of uncertainty, remain calm in the presence of danger, and quiet your busy mind to make optimal decisions, then you will flourish.

If you want to win the war for attention, don’t try to say ‘no’ to the trivial distractions you find on the information smorgasbord; try to say ‘yes’ to the subject that arouses a terrifying longing, and let the terrified longing crowd out everything else. — David Brooks, The Art of Focus

In his book, Deep Work, Cal Newport writes, “Efforts to deepen your focus will struggle if you don’t simultaneously wean your mind from a dependence on distraction.” Never have we had to exert such discipline to craft boundaries to carve out time for intentional work. Focus is not about giving something more of your attention — it’s about giving everything else less. We have to be deliberate in who or what we give our attention to. As James Clear suggests, rather than seeing items as objects, see them as magnets for your attention.

Disciplined people aren’t superheroes with extraordinary levels of willpower. They simply create boundaries to eliminate obstacles and reduce friction. It may seem like these rare people are ‘disciplined’ but in reality, they’re fixing the fight to make their opponent (distraction) easier to beat.

The most effective way to gain confidence is by consistently doing the things you tell yourself you’re going to do, and not submitting to your impulses.

Master impulse control. Do the work.

6. You Are What You Think

“As a man thinketh, so is he.” — James Allen

“There are no limitations to the mind, except those you acknowledge.” — Napoleon Hill

The American Psychological Association once invited philosopher William James to give a talk on the first 50 years of psychology research. He walked up to the podium, adjusted the microphone, and said: “People by and large become what they think of themselves.”

Then, he left.

While reducing fifty years of science to just ten words may sound rash, his counsel is indisputable. Simply put, what we believe, we become.

Golfer Greg Norman once said, “Your dreams are the blueprint to your reality.” If that comes across as woo-woo, ask any professional athlete about self-belief and they will affirm that statement. The story you tell yourself determines how life will unfold for you.

The two most powerful words in the English language are also the shortest: I am. Whatever you put after those words determines your destiny. You are in the driver’s seat. The world is just reflecting your own feelings back at you. In every situation, in every circumstance, you have a choice. You can either wish to be, or you can decide to be. Life isn’t happening to you. Life is responding to you. Voltaire put it another way I love: The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood.

The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves things like, “I’m shy,” “I’m awkward,” “No one will ever love me,” or “I can’t seem to catch a break.” These self-limiting stories protect us from failing, because if you never believe you can accomplish it in the first place, then there’s no chance of failure!

We’re wired to think negatively. It’s in our DNA. As a result, you’ve likely allowed yourself to create a set of beliefs that you’ve tied to a story — a story about why it won’t work, why it can’t work, or why it only works for other people.

A half-hearted approach says, ‘It might work, or it might not…’ — of course it won’t! That belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Do you portray yourself as the victim or the victor?

To make changes that stick, we must create compelling stories for ourselves and for our world. We must use stories to create possibility and to empower us to take action. Changing your story changes how you see your world, and it changes how you see yourself. You can use your stories to redefine yourself and re-imagine what’s possible. “I am healthy and happy. I am wealthy and successful. I don’t get tired, I have endless energy.” When you and the voices in your head work in harmony, your self-confidence soars.

Remember, reality is neutral. Nothing is either good or bad; thinking makes it so. How you choose to interpret reality is your choice.

Think about negative things, and you will be negative. Think about great things and you will become great.

You are what you think.

7. Consistency is Key

“What saves a man is to take a step, then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Small disciplines, repeated with consistency every day, eventually lead to great achievements gained slowly over time.

Read that again.

That sentence encapsulates 2,000+ years of self-help.

Success is a byproduct of those who consistently kept at it — one day at a time, one decision at a time—doing it again the next day. And the next day. What looks like skill is often consistent discipline.

The position you find yourself in today is the accumulation of the small choices you’ve been making for years. Consistency doesn’t guarantee success, but inconsistency guarantees failure.

“We underestimate the cumulative effect of work,” explains investor Paul Graham. “Writing a page a day doesn’t sound like much, but if you do it every day you’ll write a book in a year. That’s the key: consistency. People who do great things don’t get a lot done every day. They get something done, rather than nothing.”

You won’t get a six-pack from a few HIIT classes and salads. A good body is the by-product of cumulative daily disciplines; exercising on the days you don’t want to, skipping dessert at friends’ birthday parties, and meal-prepping every Sunday. Imagine where you’d be if you maintained that for a year.

Just like talent, consistency alone doesn’t guarantee success. If you never quit, you might make it. You can do something every day and still fail. But if you do quit, you definitely won’t make it. The only common denominator of those who succeed vs. those who fail is that the succeeders never quit.

Thomas Edison famously went through thousands of iterations to make his dream a reality. He failed over 10,000 times trying to invent a commercially viable electric bulb. Yet, where others quit, he persisted. Edison had a huge impact on society, holding 1,093 patents to his name at the time of his death. His work in several fields created the basis for many of the technologies we enjoy today and take for granted. Imagine if he gave up after his first attempt.

Every good habit starts with putting one foot in front of the other. Every day you start back at zero. It takes discipline to continue the streak; to wake up early and not hit snooze; to take care of your baby and put them back to sleep; to work a job you don’t like to get to the one you do. But you do it anyway. You fight the internal battle going on in your head each morning. You conquer the voice saying “no” once more today.

Carl Jung, one of the pioneers of modern psychology, had a doctrine of doing ‘the next best thing.’ “If you do with conviction the next and most necessary thing, you are always doing something meaningful and intended by fate.”

You’d be surprised to hear how many celebrities, athletes, and pioneers remark how they were never the most talented [singer, writer, basketball player, etc]. They always mention a peer who was significantly more talented but flamed out. What set them apart was their persistence and daily effort in never-ending improvement. They developed a consistent routine they could stick to for decades.

The bottom line: Doing something every day will vastly improve your odds of success.

What can you stick to, even on your worst day? Start there. Master the art of showing up. Then advance.

When you do what others won’t, you can live how others can’t.

Whatever it is you value doing, be consistent.

8. Practice Gratitude

If you can’t be happy with a cup of coffee, you won’t be happy with a yacht. — Naval Ravikant

Look, I get it. The last thing you want to hear when you’re down in the dumps, depressed, or angry is someone’s nauseating two cents to “be grateful.” Nothing sounds more glib.

Yet, as cheesy as it sounds, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. It’s not about changing your entire mood, it’s about reframing how you look at things you previously overlooked or judged harshly.

I used to get frustrated with one of my closest friends. Anytime I tried to open up to him about something, he would shell up and change the subject to sports. It would piss me off because I expected him to know what I wanted. But as Neil Strauss once said, “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”

I came back to that quote — when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I looked at my friend as someone who should want to listen to my feelings. It was an unspoken expectation. Rather than be resentful that he wasn’t someone I could open up to, I decided to change the way I looked at our relationship. I was grateful that I had a close friend in the first place. Maybe he wasn’t comfortable with vulnerable conversations at that moment in our friendship, but at least I had someone in my life I enjoy spending time with and talking about sports and other nonsense.

After that insight, I started showing up differently around my friend. Instead of being annoyed that I couldn’t talk about my problems with him, I’d come prepared with interesting sports topics to chat on, because I know that’s what he loves doing.

Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.

Being grateful immediately fills you with a sense of calm and inner peace. It’s like a hot shower for your soul. I know it sounds corny, but it’s the most effective intervention you can apply when feelings of fear or inadequacy inevitably arise. When you’re grateful, you’re not thinking about the fancy car you can’t afford, the girlfriend you don’t have, or the shitty weather outside. Want what you have and then you can have what you want. As the Naval quote says, if you can’t find joy in a cup of coffee, you won’t find it sitting on a yacht. Appreciate the little things and what you have now. Because you might not ever get that yacht, but what you have now is likely more than most people.

There’s some real utility in gratitude. Gratitude is the process of consciously and courageously attempting thankfulness in the face of the catastrophe of life. I often reflect on sickness and how we take our health for granted. A family member of mine was recently diagnosed with cancer. That diagnosis quickly shifts your perspective. When we’re healthy, we wish for a million things (money, fame, success, etc). A sick person only wishes for one thing.

Don’t let difficult times make you forget your blessings. Your terrible job is the dream of the unemployed. Your house is the dream of the homeless. Your smile is the dream of the depressed. And your health is the dream of the ill.

I often think about that Cormac McCarthy line “You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” When I was in college I got in trouble for underage drinking. My punishment was that I was barred from studying abroad in my city of choice — Cork, Ireland. I was devastated. My grandfather was born and raised in Cork, and I was so excited to spend six months in his home county.

They gave me a choice — either stay the semester in the US or proceed to the lowest abroad option on the totem pole: Copenhagen, Denmark. Needless to say, moving to a Scandinavian country in January was far from what I wanted, but I figured, what the hell?

Those six months in Copenhagen turned out to be the hallmark of my college experience and one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I made lifelong friends, traveled to exotic places, and partied my ass off.

Who would have thunk? That stroke of “bad luck” actually ended up giving me one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Sure, Cork might have been great too, but nothing will ever replace the joy and memories I made in Copenhagen, thanks to a weird intervention from the universe.

When you change the way you look at these things, the things you look at begin to change.

It’s just as important to show your appreciation and gratitude to others. Always give the majority of credit to the mentors and peers who helped you along the way. Thank the barista and compliment them on their smile or their t-shirt. Send letters, gifts, and tweets. Place happy reminders in your vicinity. Make your phone’s screensaver an image that brings you joy, stick a post-it note with a great quote on your desktop. Give yourself more opportunities to smile and be grateful throughout the day. Hold hugs longer, notice people’s eye color when you talk to them, and appreciate your surroundings at every opportunity.

Above all, be grateful.

9. Enjoy the Process

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” ― Ferris Bueller

We spend so much time waiting for happiness; thinking it’s on the other side of some arbitrary achievement. We say to ourselves, “If I get a good grade on this exam, then I’ll be happy,” or “When I get the promotion, then I’ll be happy,” or “If I hit my goal in this race, then I will be happy.”

But here’s the thing: You already achieved the goals you said would make you happy.

Becoming is better than being.

For me, I have found that happiness is in the pursuit. When I look back on most of the things I accomplished, I seldom cherish the actual moment of achievement (crossing the finish line, winning the award, or getting the promotion). The satisfaction lies in the striving — waking up in the pitch black at 4:30 to run 9 miles in the rain, staying late at the office to finish the big project, and pouring hours of hard work into whatever accomplishment I was aiming at. It’s the Rocky montage of hard work and checking off small wins.

Don’t get me wrong, it fucking sucked at the time, but that’s what I’m most proud of — the fact that I took myself from a person who said, “I’m gonna sleep in today,” to a savage who woke up saying, “Let’s get after it.”

In many cases, it takes achieving the goal in the first place to realize that achieving the goal won’t make you any happier. Jim Carrey frequently warns us on the perils of ‘making it’. “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

We often find more satisfaction in the challenges we overcame to achieve our goals than in the accomplishments themselves. I’ve been writing and posting book recommendations for more than five years, and I’ve maybe earned $200 for my efforts. It’s hard not to feel like a failure while producing so much content and seeing minimal results. But when I’m in the daily grind of pursuing my talent, I remind myself: these are the golden years. This is what happiness looks like: the pursuit.

Seneca said, “The one thing all fools have in common is that they’re always getting ready to live.”

Life is happening right now. There’s not some magical oasis on the other side of your dreams where you’ll suddenly be satisfied. You already achieved the things you said would make you happy. So be happy with them, and keep going. These are the times you’ll look back on fondly. These are the golden years.

Live now. Enjoy the process.

10. Ignore the Naysayers

“We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” — Marcus Aurelius

The short answer to why we care about what others think is simple: it’s because we’re not psychopaths.

Of course, we’re going to care about the opinions of our friends and family. For most of human history, we lived in small tribes where everyone depended on one another for survival. Social rejection could be fatal. Our brains evolved to associate social rejection with death, and that’s why it feels so painful.

But one of the best aspects of modern life is the ability to choose our communities. If you enjoy video games, you can connect with other gamers. If running is your passion, you can join a local running group and bond with fellow weirdos who enjoy waking up at 5 AM to run in the freezing cold. With the internet and social media, you can find a community of like-minded people in just about any field imaginable.

When I first launched my blog, I was incredibly self-conscious. Every time I hit “post” I was tormented by the idea that there was some imaginary group of people huddled around their phones making fun of me. But what gives me comfort is that I know I’m being genuine. I really love this stuff. I’m not “putting it on” for likes, page views, or subscribers. I’m not trying to please anyone. I’m unabashedly nerdy when it comes to reading, learning, and sharing that knowledge with whoever wants to hear it. If it’s not for you, so what? You don’t have to follow me.

The beautiful part about sharing my excitement is that other people who are just as nerdy reach out to me all the time. It’s allowed me not only to meet like-minded book lovers, it’s given me a forum to reconnect with old high school buddies, co-workers, and people I wouldn’t have imagined would be interested in what I have to say. If I’d let the doubt and fear of being judged stop me five years ago, I would have never met or reconnected with those people.

Kevin Kelly has authored some of my favorite life advice on the internet. Every year he publishes useful tips to serve as lessons for his children. One quip that I continually revisit is his advice to “embrace your weird.”

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it. It’s only embarrassing if you’re embarrassed.

If you find yourself caring too much about what people think, it might be because you don’t have something more important to care about.

When you have something truly important in your life, something you’re willing to be ridiculed for, that’s when you’ll stop caring about others’ opinions. Ironically, that’s also when people start respecting you.

Your weirdness is your competitive advantage. No one can beat you at being you. If you try to please everyone, you will please no one. Embrace your traumas, life experiences, your funny accent, whatever it is. This is what sets you apart. The weirder you are; the more unique you are; the more competitive & interesting you are.

I’m a book-reading firefighter, triathlete, podcaster, writer, Jiu-jitsu playing advertising director. Who else can beat me at that?

“You cannot be afraid to disappoint people. You have to live the life you want to live. Sometimes that means being the mother fucker who can put a middle finger up to everyone in the room and be totally comfortable with that.”

— David Goggins

Stop giving a shit what other people think.

Do you, be yourself, and live according to your values.

And if you’re going to be weird, be confident about it!

Ignore the naysayers.

11. Move Daily, Eat Well

“The 6 best doctors: sunshine, water, rest, air, exercise, and diet.” — Naval Ravikant

I like to measure things. I put everything into trackable spreadsheets — finances, work productivity, exercise, etc. Yet, despite the dozens of observable metrics I attempt to quantify, invariably the most important metric is my personal energy.

If you want to enjoy life you want to have as much energy as possible. And the best way to have as much energy as possible is to be fit and healthy.

When I graduated college, I was 215 lbs. My diet consisted of Eggo waffles, Chipotle, beer, and more beer. I felt bloated, lethargic, and unmotivated.

So rather than attempt my usual course — overexerting myself and restricting my diet to the point of insanity, I went back to the basics: Sunlight, walking, exercise, quality sleep, and nutrient-dense food. Within six weeks, I lost twenty pounds and my energy levels were soaring.

I thought, “How did I let myself go this long feeling this terrible?”

Scott Adams posits that 80% of happiness is body chemistry. Having experienced both the highs and the lows of personal fitness I can attest his hypothesis is 100% accurate.

Your energy depends on your physical form. Your hardware is shaped by what you put in it — and that’s not just food. It’s what you put into it with effort, good sleep habits, and a stress-free environment.

You don’t need to do CrossFit, become a vegan, or do intermittent fasting to feel better. You just need to stick to the basics. Scott Galloway, a professor of marketing at NYU, created a personal well-being acronym, S.C.A.F.A., which he turns to whenever he feels overwhelmed, angry, or frustrated. It serves as a reminder to focus on the essentials for gaining perspective, staying present, and cultivating gratitude:

• Sweat: Engage in a vigorous workout.
• Clean: Eat clean, avoid foods with preservatives, oils, and other unhealthy ingredients.
• Abstinence: Refrain from THC and alcohol.
• Family: Spend quality time with your loved ones.
• Affection: Acknowledge your feelings of anxiety, anger, or frustration, and ask your loved ones for a few minutes of affection.

Often, just getting back to the basics and taking good care of your body can solve 80% of your problems. What you might perceive as burnout, anxiety, or depression is often simply a result of not having the right body chemistry to keep you going.

Even something minor like catching the flu is enough to make you ruminate about all the days of healthy living you took for granted. Everything you will ever achieve in life hinges on your health. Without it, nothing else matters. Once it is compromised, everything grinds to a halt.

Treat your body like a house you have to live in for another 70+ years.

Move your body every day.

Eat real food (in moderation).

12. Relationships Define Life

One of the most important findings in modern psychology comes from the Harvard Grant Study. The lead investigators tracked hundreds of students from the 1940s until their death. After decades of research, the study found that the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.

This was a surprise decades ago…

Essentially the people who had the most fulfilling lives were those who fostered deep relationships with their families, loved ones, and friends. They built communities of people whom they trusted, could count on, and be vulnerable with.

In his latest book, How to Know a Person, David Brooks writes, “The thing we need most is relationships. The thing we seem to suck at most is relationships.” As we get older it becomes harder and harder to spend time with friends and family. Life gets in the way. We grow up, move away, start families, and get bogged down with jam-packed schedules. Suddenly, catching up becomes a logistical nightmare of group texts and conflicting agendas. More time is spent on scheduling getting together than actually getting together. How does next Tuesday work? Aggghhh, I have a client dinner that night, what about the following Wednesday??? Invariably, you only see your families, loved ones, and friends a couple of times a month, if you’re lucky.

We suck at relationships because we don’t make them our number one priority.

Again, terminal illness tends to shift this attitude immediately. When a loved one is given a definitive limit on life hours, our priorities become crystal clear — spend as much time as humanly possible squeezing every last drop out of your relationship together.

But why let tragedy make that shift for us?

After all, you retire on your memories. When you flashback the montage of your life’s best moments, what percentage of them were you by yourself? Chances are, not a whole lot. Our best memories are the crazy, hilarious, extraordinary experiences with people we love. At the end of your life, you’re going to be most proud of the impact you’ve had on people.

Undoubtedly, this poses what should be a mantra for us all: Build as many happy and positive memories in other people as possible.

Your relationships are not there to make you happy, satisfy your needs, or escape your loneliness. Your relationships are there as the mirror through which to see yourself clearly.

We’ve got all these fancy tools — email, text, FaceTime, etc. — yet we’ve never felt more disconnected. It’s time to flip the script. Prioritize face-to-face connection like your life depends on it. Because according to one of the longest-going studies of all time, it kinda does.

“Loneliness kills. It’s as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.” — Robert Waldinger, psychiatrist, Massachusetts General Hospital

In a world that’s more connected yet more isolated than ever, let’s choose love over loneliness.

Here’s to building a life rich in laughter, love, and unforgettable moments.

Thanks for reading.

-KB

12 Foundations of a Fulfilling Life

1. Embrace Uncertainty
2. Start Before You’re Ready
3. Follow Your Talent
4. Give More Than You Take
5. Master Impulse Control
6. You Are What You Think
7. Consistency is Key
8. Practice Gratitude
9. Love the Journey
10. Ignore the Naysayers
11. Move Daily, Eat Well
12. Relationships Define Life

Books that Inspired this Article

How to Win Friends and Influence People — Dale Carnegie

Greenlights — Matthew McConaughy

The Power of Your Subconscious Mind — Dr. Joseph Murphy

Deep Work — Cal Newport

How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big — Scott Adams

The Almanack of Naval Ravikant — Eric Jorgenson

Mindset — Carol Dweck

Tools of Titan — Tim Ferris

Atomic Habits — James Clear

Meditations — Marcus Aurelius

The Power of Now — Eckhart Tolle

The Untethered Soul — Michael Singer

Four Thousand Weeks — Oliver Burkeman

Man’s Search for Meaning — Viktor Frankl

The Go-Giver — Bob Burg and John David Man

Discipline is Destiny — Ryan Holiday

The Obstacle is the Way — Ryan Holiday

Ego is the Enemy — Ryan Holiday

The 48 Laws of Power — Robert Greene

Awaken the Giant Within — Tony Robbins

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck — Mark Manson

How to Know a Person — David Brooks

The Second Mountain — David Brooks

The Road to Character — David Brooks

As a Man Thinketh — James Allen

Think and Grow Rich — Napoleon Hill

Can’t Hurt Me — David Goggins

Never Finished — David Goggins

The 5 AM Club — Robin Sharma

Poor Charlie’s Almanack — Charlie Munger

No Country for Old Men — Cormac McCarthy

Excellent Advice for Living — Kevin Kelly